A break from Tuesday Top Ten today. As it is St Patrick’s Day, I wanted to celebrated the important Patrick in my life.
Life with a child who presents with violent, abusive behaviour is challenging and often heart breaking on every possible level. It brings a chaos of emotion that leaves me feeling confused and weak. Writing helps to give me find clarity and strength.
I have been mulling over this piece in my head for a long time and finally put pen to paper, ok finger to keyboard. I hope you like it. But most importantly, I hope my Patrick likes it and recognises, despite his challenges, I love him with all my heart.
Every night I check my babies one, two, three
I go from room to room to make sure breath I can see.
I kiss them on their heads and give them my love,
Praying that they won’t ever be taken above.
I pause at the door and bid them goodnight,
Closing it quietly, as I turn out the light.
But one bed I pause at, for just a moment longer,
Standing to watch him, makes my love grow stronger.
I love to see Patrick calm and asleep
Knowing his brain is still and there’s no need to weep.
He lies tranquil and quiet with a smile on his face,
I am flooded with love, no matter what happened that day.
When daylight is here and his anxiety’s awake
I’m often left feeling, I can’t do this! For fxxxs sake!
The crashes, the bangs, the spitting, the fear,
But I don’t see any of that when sleepy time is here.
He rests like an angel, hands under his chin,
I’m reminded he’s my baby and how much I love him.
On the worst days, I sneak in beside him for a cuddle.
The heat from his body, calms my mind from its muddle.
My little boy can’t help it, when his behaviour is bad,
That’s hard to remember, leaving me feeling so sad.
When he is angry and scary and his words are so mean,
The terrified little boy underneath, cannot be seen.
So my goodnight kisses to my Patrick will never ever cease,
because that’s when love flourishes and we experience peace.